I got it.
I got some answers.
And it took forever and a day to get.
I had gotten the basic testing for ADD nine years ago-IQ, learning disabilities, processing. I needed to supplement this with a computerized test though, TOVA, to make it a firm diagnosis. Life got in the way though and I never did it.
Until now. I took both tests and voila.
Yep, I have a firm diagnosis.
It shouldn’t shock me any. I have always thought that the tests administered by the psychologist back in 2001 were accurate and there was no need to go further. After all, this center that did the testing is associated with a university that is known for being one of the best schools for training psychologists in the state. (Disclaimer though, they suggested I get the TOVA test also.) If they thought I was ADD, then so be it. Plus, I didn’t want to spend more money than I needed to.
And I have news for all of you, unless you get this testing done through a public school, it does cost. (However, I was impressed that the TOVA wasn’t that much.)
It’s amazing to finally be able to say, “HAH! I’m not lazy. I’m not too much of a cuckoobird, and I’m not stupid!” I can’t even begin to tell you how often I’ve felt those things and how often I’ve heard those things through the years.
For example, when I was in college I went to one of the psychologists that they had on campus because I was having a rough time with life in general. A friend of mine had seen him and had raved about how good this guy was. I made an appointment and lo and behold, he tells me that I’m just lazy and needed to not be in school anymore because obviously I didn’t want to be there since I struggled to stay afloat with my studying.
Needless to say, I did not go back to see him again and finished college. Barely.
When I next saw a psychologist in private practice a short time later, (a female, mind you) she was a little bit better and said nope, you are definitely not lazy, you are depressed. And of course she was horrified in a professional manner that a psychologist would encourage a woman to drop out of college. I knew it wasn’t the answer though.
And the next therapist thought ADD, but the testing never happened.
And finally I got sick of him and I went to that center associated with the school known for being one of the best in the state for training psychologists. I got a hard-nosed, Christian, foreign woman who said that’s it after she was certain that it wasn’t simply depression. You are getting tested. No more of this being without answers.
And whaddya know???
I did go back to her recently when I had a work issue, and we finished the testing with the TOVA test. It is given in two parts. The first being before medication is administered, and I scored off-the-charts ADD high. Now that I’m starting meds, it has gone down slightly but is still pretty darned high.
Soooo, it looks like the doctor she referred me to and I are going to have fun with the medication. The doctor did say that the TOVA isn’t always accurate if there are other issues going on that relate to impulsivity and ADD-like issues. And I respect that. If I have something else besides ADD, I’ll have to deal with it.
ADD just makes sense though. If you were to meet my father, you’d see that I take after him. The man is brilliant, and he had brillant parents. My paternal grandfather apparently could figure out Calculus problems in his head, but he was a high school dropout. My father (who is not a high school dropout) can not stay organized to save his life, and it drives my mother crazy. More often than not, I hear her scream at him, “You are so ADD!!!”
Yep, that’s my daddy! And I love him.
And I obviously take after him…..
I know that it’s going to be an interesting road to get on the right track again. Right now the psychologist and I are discussing making a schedule to stay on track (because I would like to finish a certificate program in Web Design), and I’ve thought of a few other things that I will show her next week.
So, I guess it’s a good thing that I’ve not been married before now or had children. Good grief! I personally think me being married prior to this would have been a disaster. And children? If I can’t stay organized, heaven help me if I have another person to be responsible for! I do want both of those things though, and will work hard to be able to have them.
And so, all I can say is ONWARD!
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